Another Look

Code Adam

The New York Police Department has issued this urgent advisory.

Missing: Alex E. Rodriquez, 30, 6’ 3”, 225 lbs., $252 million, .133, 0 RBI. The NYPD says that if you see the missing infielder, you need have no fear about approaching him. He may be armed with a bat, but come October, he loses the ability to use it. The Department of Homeland Security has denied rumors A-Rod’s mojo may have been abducted by Osama Bin Laden. A new Bin Laden tape released to Al-Jazeera scoffed at the possibility. “A-Rod’s no Jeter,” said Bin Laden. “He’s no Bernie Williams, Allah be praised. If we wanted to hurt New York again, we’d take Robinson Cano.”

Karl Rove has denied leaking to Judith Miller of the New York Times a comparison of A-Rod’s record and George W. Bush’s. He has also denied saying that at least now we can see George W. Bush wasn’t the worst thing to come from the Texas Rangers.

Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers has called A-Rod “the smartest postseason disappearing baseball player I know.”

In related news, Tim McCarver’s statement during Game 5 quoting Joe Torre as saying A-Rod was “anxious” at the plate has been deemed the nicest way of calling the highest paid player on a team a gutless choke artist by the Public Relations Society of America. Team owner George Steinbrenner has issued a statement saying he had nothing to do with the acquisition of A-Rod.

posted by Andy Mais @ 10:20 AM