Another Look

2006 Hummer H3: Don't put Baby in a corner

Size is relative. At 6’ 1” and 305 pounds, left defensive tackle Kendrick Clancy is the smallest of the nine men who make up the feared Front Four of the New York Giants defense, if you measure by height. Measure by weight and 6’4”, 268-lb right defensive end Eric Moore is the puniest, by far. Next to a pair of defensive tackles like 6’4”, 325-lb. Fred Robbins or 6’6”, 315-lb Kenderick Allen, either man would look underfed. But next to a 6-ft tall auto columnist who’s forgotten what muscle feels like…let’s just say I know who you’d want on your side in a bar fight.

Remember this when you hear the 2006 Hummer H3 described as a “baby Hummer.” This newest bundle of joy from GM’s youngest division may look puny next to its siblings, but it’s still a Hummer, and that means that small as it looks, it is actually a mid-sized SUV, derived from GM’s Chevy Colorado truck platform.

Small as it may look, however, it is also indisputably a Hummer. The styling cues are all there – the macho faux-military/industrial touches, the squared-off corners, the barely usable gun slits for windows, the louvered front. Yet there is something much more cuddly about this Hummer, something that says more “take me home” than “stay away from me, girlie-man.” Compared to its siblings, the H3 may still look like a bad boy, but this is a bad boy you know you can tame and take home to mother. She’ll get used to the leather and chains.

The barely civilized Hummer H1 was much like Patton wearing khakis instead of camo. Unless your daily commute happened to be along the road to Baghdad Airport, it probably would be a little too much for you. The H2 was like a bodybuilder turned politician in a tuxedo – it looked great, but didn’t quite fit. The muscles still bulged and there were hints that ’roid rage was just around the corner. The H3, on the other hand, is the warrior finally and firmly settled into blue jeans. It can still do almost anything it used to, but it looks forward to coming home instead of going away. If the H1 and H2 were just for the boys, the H3 is tentatively, very tentatively, in touch with its feminine side. This is a Hummer that’s less scary than a Dick Cheney smile.

Yes, I know you’re about ready to reach for your keyboard and send me some hate mail. In the spirit of the season, please don’t. Send me Scotch instead. Glenfiddich 18 if you will.

Whenever I write about an SUV, I know to expect mail from those who think these lumbering beasts should not despoil the face of the planet. Like the Democrats of the last decade or the Republicans now, the writers know they’re right, and will brook no arguments to the contrary. SUVs are largely huge, gas-guzzling, environment-destroying, completely unnecessary objects of disdain that should all be melted down and turned into plowshares or Priuses. To which all I can say is this:

Yo, dudes, chill!

Don’t shoot me, I’m just the piano player. If you’d like a sermon, there are lots on TV Sunday mornings. That’s not what I’m here for. I’m here to review cars, cars that people drive, cars that people buy, and while every now and then I’ll slip in a reminder that the fate of the planet may well depend on your next shopping trip, my first job is to tell you what I think about how the cars I drive perform. As cars, not as statements. I’m saving the rest for my book.

In the meantime, consumers are voting with their pocketbooks, and while sales of the bigger Hummers, like those of most large SUVs, have plunged precipitously as gas prices have risen, the H3 is doing a yeoman’s job of trying to save the Hummer brand. Taking a specialty item like the original Humvee mass market is no small feat, especially when the times suddenly conspire against you. The original H1 was a symbol of our stunning success in Desert Storm and basked in that glow. As the bodies pile up now in Iraq even higher than the ever-changing justifications for a war as poorly run as any in our recent history, so too the oversized power and might and master of the universe hubris of the H1 and its successor, the H2, seem woefully out of step with the new Zeitgeist.

Brought to market as an outsize representation of the American dream, it was Hummer’s destiny to see projected on it all that people felt was best and worst about SUVs, and about a nation where relatively cheap fuel – unless you count the cost in the lives – meant fuel economy and environmental impact were very secondary considerations to size and strength. For a while, that was good for Hummer.

Times have changed.

As we downsize our ambitions abroad and our fuel bill at home grows, GM’s and Hummer’s good fortune it is to have the downsized H3 on its lots. This is the first Hummer that comes with a reasonable fuel economy rating, and inside, this is easily the best looking, most comfortable Hummer ever. And that’s not just damning with faint praise. With the H3, Hummer finally has a vehicle capable of competing with the Grand Cherokees and Explorers, and at a very good price.

Let’s talk gas mileage first. The H3 comes with the Vortec 3.5-liter, double overhead cam inline 5-cylinder engine. If you’re looking for the mightiest powerplant on the planet, this ain’t it. If you’re looking for a respectable engine that will give you decent fuel economy, if not great towing capacity, welcome.

My H3 came with the optional four-speed automatic transmission, and EPA mileage estimates are 16 city and 19 highway, using regular gas. With the 5-speed standard transmission, mileage goes up to 20 highway. No, these are not Honda Civic numbers, but they’re adequate for a midsize SUV. The downside is that the 200 horses and 225 lb-ft. of torque mean the maximum towing capacity is a relatively low 4,500 pounds. Acceleration was good overall, although the engine didn’t seem quite as powerful as others in its class. There are always trade-offs, but the H3’s handling overall was surprisingly good, a good compromise between responsive and docile.

The biggest surprise for the H3 though was inside. No, visibility out those windows isn’t any better, but the interior seemed much more luxury vehicle than heavy off-roader. Fit and finish were very good, proving GM can do it when it wants to. The design was elegant, with controls easy to reach, to use and to understand. Overall, if you’re used to GM’s old practice of sticking the same cheap-looking plastic on every dashboard, you’ll be thrilled by the look of the H3. Seating for four was comfortable, in a cabin that was very spacious but much warmer than a H1’s.

Despite the comfort and convenience, the H3 has not forgotten its roots. Come the invasion by the UN, you’ll be able to take this deep into the forest and evade the black helicopters. As GM explains, “Among its off-road capabilities, the H3 can ford 16 inches of water at 20 mph or 24-inch streams at a 5-mph pace, climb 16-inch vertical steps and rocks, make its way through deep sand and race over sandy surfaces.”

There was a lot more to that, but you get the drift. Like the Staple Singers, the H3 will take you there. Wherever “there” is.

Oh, did I say the biggest surprise about the H3 was the inside? I lied. The biggest surprise on my H3 WAS on the inside, but only because they’d already removed the sticker. My H3, all-wheel-drive, naturally, with OnStar, traction control, dual front airbags, auto headlamp control, fogs, tire pressure monitor, air conditioning, cruise control and a 6-speaker AM/FM/CD player all standard came in with a base price of $28,935.

My dolled up H3 added leather heated power seats, a 7-speaker Monsoon sound system, Homelink, the previously mentioned automatic transmission with stability control, an off-road suspension package including an electronically controlled full locking rear differential and specially tuned shocks, a chrome appearance package designed to dazzle your enemies should they dare look at you in the sunshine, a huge power sunroof, XM satellite radio, trailer hitch and wiring harness, brush guard and running boards all for $38,785, including the $565 destination charge.

All in all, the baby Hummer has turned out to be the sales giant of the family for good reason. The 2006 Hummer H3 is a comfortable, well-priced, competent and definitely distinctive mid-size SUV. Who says an old soldier can’t change.

posted by Andy Mais @ 3:28 PM